Bella does Comics #18 – ATOM ANT

I have a sweet spot for the old Hanna-Barbera cartoons. Nostalgia based for sure. The toons weren’t that good or original. The animation defines ‘limited’. The characters were derivative at best. Yogi Bear. Huckleberry Hound. Quick Draw McGraw. Corny. Yet still very funny in their own way. Maybe not ‘their own way’; they stole liberally from Disney and Warner Bros. But it had its charm. It was made-for-TV cartoons, not by-products of yesteryear’s movie houses like the best of Looney Tunes.

Hanna-Barbera perfected cheap, quick entertainment for kids at a time when the alternative was washed-up comedians and D-list actors flopping around a sound stage with hand puppets singing campfire songs. We ate it up in all its sugar frostiness.

I liked Atom Ant. He was an ant with atomic strength, atomic speed with a cool pilot’s helmet and a real sweet letter-man sweater. He was just too groovy for me. He lived in an anthil where he spent all day drinking milk and lifting weights. He didn’t have a secret life, a reporter’s salary, a firefly girlfriend. He was Atom Ant 24-7 and he was my guy.

And he still is.

• Len ‘Cruze’ Webb

Bella does Comics #17 – THE MUPPETS

I really want to like the muppet on ABC. I watch that show by twos and threes every few weeks on Hulu so I can take advantage of that commercial free benefit I pay $12 a month for. I sit there and man, I am ready to laugh. Kermit bounces up to the Kraft Services table in the opening to kick-start each episode and I am ready to relive those glorious days of old.

I remember 1976 when The Muppet Show premiered in the States (it was originally produced for and broadcast in Great Britain, which I didn’t know at the time but makes sense looking back). The promotions featured Kermit and a few other muppets who I didn’t recognize. I just figured they were holding back the other big guns – Ernie & Bert, Oscar the Grouch, Cookie Monster, The Count – for the show. Big Bird never seemed like a true muppet; he was character – like H.R. PufnStuf. Well, maybe not quite like PufnStuf but you get my meaning. That’s when I learned the difference between Sesame Street and The Muppets. Sesame Street is for the morning. The Muppets are for “when it’s dark outside.” They come on after Dad picks up Mommy from the train station. Mom and Dad watch the Muppets too. This is grown folk stuff.

The show came on a Thursday night (I think) after The Wacky World of Jonathan Winters, instantaneously making it my new favorite hour of television ever. Catchy theme music – going for the variety show schtick. I’m with it; I watch Carol Burnett. But who is this fuzzy bear? What’s up with that George Clinton stuffed animal band? The floppy dog seems cool because he sounds like my Uncle Lou but what’s the deal with that pig? When did Kermit become H.M.I.C.? Is that Millie the Helper from The Electric Company giving Fever all over the stage?

Mom, can I stay here till they come back on next week?

It was slapstick for kids, urbane for adults, sardonic for everybody in between. It was quick in pace, old in rhythm. A  vaudeville show shined up for a 70s audience delivered by Panasonic horse and buggy. I ate it up. It was so ridiculously funny. And as the years went on and the seasons changed along with my octaves, my belly laughs turned into wry smiles that became belly floppers only after the delicious subtext set in. That’s too high brow. Better put – I cracked the fuck up then cracked the fuck up even more the next day when I really got the joke.

I followed the entire crew from the series to the movies. I liked the movies but none of them really gave the Muppets a real stage – a literal stage – from which to shine. The films quickly bogged down to a core group of 6-7, forgoing the large ensemble for the grand finales. So when I heard they were returning to television for a new sitcom, I was stoked. Of course they’re not gonna do what they did before so let’s see what they got.

Mockumentary? Stale, dated concept but new for the Muppets. Backstage world of a late night talk show? Nobody’s doing The Larry Sanders Show these days because nobody did it better but – it’s new for the Muppets? Office mishaps and wackiness? The Office was a hit in England, then was a hit over here; The Muppet Show started in England then a hit over here so if history serves……

This one started here. That can’t be a good sign. I mean, the writings okay, it’s kind of funny. Whatever charm it has is strictly because of the Muppets and our history with them. It borrows on that just enough to get you to the point where they want to explore something new about or with the characters. The problem is that what it’s exploring isn’t that interesting. Isn’t that comical. Isn’t worth watching. The Muppets have done their best work within the square tube – The Muppet Show and Muppet Babies are undeniably two hallmarks of great television in the 20th century.

I watch the muppets on Hulu and I want to like it. I’m giving them the whole season for the funny. I’m waiting.

My butt’s gone numb.

— Len ‘Cruze’ Webb

 

 

Heaven Sent #34 – The Hunt for Red Apostle 14

Heaven Sent #33 – The Hunt for Red Apostle 13

Bella does Comics #16 – Cartoon Crushes

My daughter Olivia – my co-creator on Heaven Sent – grew up loving The Goofy Movie. As a baby and toddler she watched The Lion King on a loop but when she found The Goofy Movie, that was it. She liked Simba. She fell in love with Max.

Max, son of Goofy, was Olivia’s first crush. To hear her tell it now as a 22-year-old Air Force airman, she remembers falling for his look and he was funny. He must have been real funny because I personally saw her watching that movie 20 times and she was cracking up with cereal milk pouring out her nose every time. I think a healthy part of her affection is owed to voice actor Jason Marsden, who would go on to have a successful career in animation (The Legend of Korra, Transformers: Rescue Bots), but she doesn’t know or care about that. Her first crush will always be Max Goof and he will always have a piece of her heart all to his own. And there’s no reason to be ashamed of it; Madame Noire agrees.

Cartoon crushes are real. There are a lot of guys who keep their copy of Who Framed Roger Rabbit in a vault so as to protect their precious Jessica Rabbit. I went ga-ga over the bare mid-riff of Jeannie on a Saturday morning in 1973 before cartoon Samantha twinkled her cute little nose and Bewitched my heart forever. Some people like football head ‘Hey, Arnold‘; others go for the deep barrel-chested growl of Goliath from Gargoyles. Mulan‘s Li Shang, Sailor Moon‘s Tuxedo Mask, Josie and every one of her Pussy-cats.

Those hips, Valerie; oh those hips!

— Len ‘Cruze’ Webb

 

Heaven Sent #32 – The Hunt for Red Apostle 12

Heaven Sent #31 – The Hunt for Red Apostle 11

Heaven Sent #30 – The Hunt for Red Apostle 10

Bella does Comics #15 – The FLINTSTONES

Before Adult Swim, before Cartoon Network, before Boomerang, before Toonami, Disney Afternoons and all that what-not; before The Simpsons, there was The Flintstones.

The show debuted on prime time television (probably before that term was created, too) September 30, 1960 and changed the landscape of cartoons and situation comedies forever. The simplistic art style made the adult contemporary themes of the program palatable to an audience hungry for something different. The 50s comedies of Leave It To Beaver, Father Knows Best were pure saccharine. It made the no-nonsense, no kids edge of The Honeymooners stand out. That proved perfect fodder for Hanna-Barbera as they modeled Fred Flintstone after the blustery, rotund Ralph Kramden and Barney Rubble after Ed Norton (with a touch of Lou Costello). Now these are some old references, I know, but this is the root from which grew George Jetson and Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin.

And I’m talking 1960-1966 Flintstones (we could lose those last 2 seasons though; The Great Gazoo. WTF?). In subsequent reboots and re-imaginings, the teeth were taken out and Fred and Barney were chewable supplements for pre-teens too young for Family Guy. And then Cartoon Network created the cartoon attic that is Boomerang and the prehistoric superstars were made all but extinct. They became Fruity Pepples; too damn sweet and mushy.

I have the first season of The Flintstones on DVD, complete with Winston cigarette commercials, and I still crack the hell up at those insane cavemen with their curvy wives. The Flintstones still feel good like a cartoon should.

Yabba. Dabba. Doo.

— Len ‘Cruze’ Webb

Heaven Sent #29 – The Hunt for Red Apostle 9