Bella does Comics #18 – ATOM ANT

I have a sweet spot for the old Hanna-Barbera cartoons. Nostalgia based for sure. The toons weren’t that good or original. The animation defines ‘limited’. The characters were derivative at best. Yogi Bear. Huckleberry Hound. Quick Draw McGraw. Corny. Yet still very funny in their own way. Maybe not ‘their own way’; they stole liberally from Disney and Warner Bros. But it had its charm. It was made-for-TV cartoons, not by-products of yesteryear’s movie houses like the best of Looney Tunes.

Hanna-Barbera perfected cheap, quick entertainment for kids at a time when the alternative was washed-up comedians and D-list actors flopping around a sound stage with hand puppets singing campfire songs. We ate it up in all its sugar frostiness.

I liked Atom Ant. He was an ant with atomic strength, atomic speed with a cool pilot’s helmet and a real sweet letter-man sweater. He was just too groovy for me. He lived in an anthil where he spent all day drinking milk and lifting weights. He didn’t have a secret life, a reporter’s salary, a firefly girlfriend. He was Atom Ant 24-7 and he was my guy.

And he still is.

• Len ‘Cruze’ Webb

Bella does Comics #17 – THE MUPPETS

I really want to like the muppet on ABC. I watch that show by twos and threes every few weeks on Hulu so I can take advantage of that commercial free benefit I pay $12 a month for. I sit there and man, I am ready to laugh. Kermit bounces up to the Kraft Services table in the opening to kick-start each episode and I am ready to relive those glorious days of old.

I remember 1976 when The Muppet Show premiered in the States (it was originally produced for and broadcast in Great Britain, which I didn’t know at the time but makes sense looking back). The promotions featured Kermit and a few other muppets who I didn’t recognize. I just figured they were holding back the other big guns – Ernie & Bert, Oscar the Grouch, Cookie Monster, The Count – for the show. Big Bird never seemed like a true muppet; he was character – like H.R. PufnStuf. Well, maybe not quite like PufnStuf but you get my meaning. That’s when I learned the difference between Sesame Street and The Muppets. Sesame Street is for the morning. The Muppets are for “when it’s dark outside.” They come on after Dad picks up Mommy from the train station. Mom and Dad watch the Muppets too. This is grown folk stuff.

The show came on a Thursday night (I think) after The Wacky World of Jonathan Winters, instantaneously making it my new favorite hour of television ever. Catchy theme music – going for the variety show schtick. I’m with it; I watch Carol Burnett. But who is this fuzzy bear? What’s up with that George Clinton stuffed animal band? The floppy dog seems cool because he sounds like my Uncle Lou but what’s the deal with that pig? When did Kermit become H.M.I.C.? Is that Millie the Helper from The Electric Company giving Fever all over the stage?

Mom, can I stay here till they come back on next week?

It was slapstick for kids, urbane for adults, sardonic for everybody in between. It was quick in pace, old in rhythm. A  vaudeville show shined up for a 70s audience delivered by Panasonic horse and buggy. I ate it up. It was so ridiculously funny. And as the years went on and the seasons changed along with my octaves, my belly laughs turned into wry smiles that became belly floppers only after the delicious subtext set in. That’s too high brow. Better put – I cracked the fuck up then cracked the fuck up even more the next day when I really got the joke.

I followed the entire crew from the series to the movies. I liked the movies but none of them really gave the Muppets a real stage – a literal stage – from which to shine. The films quickly bogged down to a core group of 6-7, forgoing the large ensemble for the grand finales. So when I heard they were returning to television for a new sitcom, I was stoked. Of course they’re not gonna do what they did before so let’s see what they got.

Mockumentary? Stale, dated concept but new for the Muppets. Backstage world of a late night talk show? Nobody’s doing The Larry Sanders Show these days because nobody did it better but – it’s new for the Muppets? Office mishaps and wackiness? The Office was a hit in England, then was a hit over here; The Muppet Show started in England then a hit over here so if history serves……

This one started here. That can’t be a good sign. I mean, the writings okay, it’s kind of funny. Whatever charm it has is strictly because of the Muppets and our history with them. It borrows on that just enough to get you to the point where they want to explore something new about or with the characters. The problem is that what it’s exploring isn’t that interesting. Isn’t that comical. Isn’t worth watching. The Muppets have done their best work within the square tube – The Muppet Show and Muppet Babies are undeniably two hallmarks of great television in the 20th century.

I watch the muppets on Hulu and I want to like it. I’m giving them the whole season for the funny. I’m waiting.

My butt’s gone numb.

— Len ‘Cruze’ Webb

 

 

Bella does Comics #16 – Cartoon Crushes

My daughter Olivia – my co-creator on Heaven Sent – grew up loving The Goofy Movie. As a baby and toddler she watched The Lion King on a loop but when she found The Goofy Movie, that was it. She liked Simba. She fell in love with Max.

Max, son of Goofy, was Olivia’s first crush. To hear her tell it now as a 22-year-old Air Force airman, she remembers falling for his look and he was funny. He must have been real funny because I personally saw her watching that movie 20 times and she was cracking up with cereal milk pouring out her nose every time. I think a healthy part of her affection is owed to voice actor Jason Marsden, who would go on to have a successful career in animation (The Legend of Korra, Transformers: Rescue Bots), but she doesn’t know or care about that. Her first crush will always be Max Goof and he will always have a piece of her heart all to his own. And there’s no reason to be ashamed of it; Madame Noire agrees.

Cartoon crushes are real. There are a lot of guys who keep their copy of Who Framed Roger Rabbit in a vault so as to protect their precious Jessica Rabbit. I went ga-ga over the bare mid-riff of Jeannie on a Saturday morning in 1973 before cartoon Samantha twinkled her cute little nose and Bewitched my heart forever. Some people like football head ‘Hey, Arnold‘; others go for the deep barrel-chested growl of Goliath from Gargoyles. Mulan‘s Li Shang, Sailor Moon‘s Tuxedo Mask, Josie and every one of her Pussy-cats.

Those hips, Valerie; oh those hips!

— Len ‘Cruze’ Webb

 

Bella does Comics #15 – The FLINTSTONES

Before Adult Swim, before Cartoon Network, before Boomerang, before Toonami, Disney Afternoons and all that what-not; before The Simpsons, there was The Flintstones.

The show debuted on prime time television (probably before that term was created, too) September 30, 1960 and changed the landscape of cartoons and situation comedies forever. The simplistic art style made the adult contemporary themes of the program palatable to an audience hungry for something different. The 50s comedies of Leave It To Beaver, Father Knows Best were pure saccharine. It made the no-nonsense, no kids edge of The Honeymooners stand out. That proved perfect fodder for Hanna-Barbera as they modeled Fred Flintstone after the blustery, rotund Ralph Kramden and Barney Rubble after Ed Norton (with a touch of Lou Costello). Now these are some old references, I know, but this is the root from which grew George Jetson and Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin.

And I’m talking 1960-1966 Flintstones (we could lose those last 2 seasons though; The Great Gazoo. WTF?). In subsequent reboots and re-imaginings, the teeth were taken out and Fred and Barney were chewable supplements for pre-teens too young for Family Guy. And then Cartoon Network created the cartoon attic that is Boomerang and the prehistoric superstars were made all but extinct. They became Fruity Pepples; too damn sweet and mushy.

I have the first season of The Flintstones on DVD, complete with Winston cigarette commercials, and I still crack the hell up at those insane cavemen with their curvy wives. The Flintstones still feel good like a cartoon should.

Yabba. Dabba. Doo.

— Len ‘Cruze’ Webb

Bella does Comics #14: JL8

You start doing a webcomic; you find yourself reading more and more webcomics. I find myself chuckling to The Reset Button and On The Grind. I’m a big fan of BOUNCE and Evil Inc. But my favorite webcomic of them all, which I discovered a couple years before I started my own, is JL8 by Yale Stewart, a charming weekly peek into the elementary school lives of characters based on DC Comics’ Justice League.

A hyperactive Barry (Flash), a moody Bruce (Batman), taking-it-all-in-new-kid-in-school J’onn J’onzz and a regal princess trying to just be one of the girls named Diana. Clark, Hal, Mean ol’ Lex – they are all here and it is adorable. It’s nostalgic. It’s current. It’s hilarious. It’s touching. It’s teaches lessons. It makes no sense. It’s original and a homage. It’s what all-ages comic book should be. It’s reads like an animated show; think Muppet Babies style and class for the superhero fan.

Which brings me to Bella and Diana fighting over ‘the voice of animated Batman’ in their ears. Why aren’t they arguing over ‘the voice of Wonder Woman’ in their ears? DC Animated released a critically acclaimed and well received Wonder Woman film in 2009 with Keri Russell doing an excellent job in the title role (and you should check her in The Americans; some of the best acting on television today).  Lucy Lawless, Xena herself, voiced Diana in Justice League: The New Frontier and can’t nobody say ISH about the Lawless One. Michelle Monaghan and Rosario Dawson portrayed Wonder Woman in Justice League: War and Justice League: Throne of Atlantis respectively. But veteran voice actor Susan Eisenberg brought a certain gravitas to Justice League and Justice League Unlimited. You can hear the confidence growing in the performance as the character grows more comfortable with her teammates and her surroundings in the consecutive series. She’s probably the voice in your head when you read the books, thanks also to her work in Superman/Batman: Apocalypse and Justice League: Doom. She deserves her propers, without a doubt.

The animation division of Warner Bros/DC Comics is locked into a New 52 worldview these days but there’s a Wonder Woman there too. There’s a Black Canary there, as well. A Power Girl, a Batgirl. Vixen has resurfaced in their television live action universe (with more life in web-animated form in her bones than either Canary on Arrow so can we get a switch, please?) and Diana is arguably more deserving of feature film exposure at this point. We’re eagerly and anxiously and nervously awaiting her debut in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice as the precursor to her starring role in 2017’s Wonder Woman.

But a cartoon Princess leading her own series would be cool too. If we can have a New Batman toon every other year, can’t we get TWO wonders?

— Len ‘Cruze’ Webb

Bella does Comics #13: BLACKSAD

I don’t know if writer- artist team Juan Díaz Canales and Juanjo Guarnido had this in mind when they created the detective noir BLACKSAD but the title character of this beautiful with a capital B graphic novel series of anthropomorphic crime tales is one sexy cat.

He’s cat. And he’s sexy. If Idris Elba was animated, he would be Blacksad. I almost wish that Idris’ Luther was more like Blacksad because then I would love the show instead of just like it.

Luther is a good show. The whole tortured cop thing, intense inner turmoil burning its way to the surface –Idris has it down. It’s beautifully shot. Alice is a villain worthy of scorn and praise.

Blacksad is The Maltese Falcon. To Have and Have Not. The Third Man. Bullitt. Body Heat. It’s pure Sin City without the pandering. Its 100 Bullets without the stereotypes. Its Scalped without the gratuity. Its the best of old school Walt Disney animation without the camera. Its Pixar’s first adapted work of fiction if they’re smart and want to venture outside their lane. It’s everything Adult Swim should be.

It is the closest to a perfect depiction of a comic creator’s vision I have ever seen.

Bella does Comics #12 – CURTIS

I don’t know if Curtis has ever seen boobs. I’m pretty sure he’d like to see boobs, especially Michelle’s. I could see Ray Billingsley drawing cute boobs. Matter of fact, I’d like to see Ray Billingsley draw some boobs. Probably never happen though; he’s too classy for that.

But giving up a chance to see boobs for a Get-Out-of-Hell card…I don’t know. I’m not sure there is a hell…or a heaven. And the card doesn’t say Get-Out-of-Hell FREE card which means there’s probably some cost involved for activation of the card. So already things seem dubious.

Then suppose the boobs in question belong to Shanola Hampton. Or Naturi Naughton. Or Regina King. Or Nia Long.

Nia.

Long.

Excuse me while I clean the drool off my keyboard.

Bella does Comics #11: BLOOM COUNTY

I loved Bloom County. The whimsical, nonconstructive unapologetic 4-paneled bite out of the 80s myopic ass was great. I lapped it up. This was my Doonesbury. This was a pen & ink world as written by Steven Bochco, directed by James Brooks as viewed thru the eyes, hands and mind of creator Berkeley Breathed. Two of the characters – Opus the penguin, Bill the cat – have made indelible marks in comic strip history. Oliver Wendell Jones was an African American genius with a head bigger than his hairline and an authentic Michael Jackson glove. Milo, Binkley, Steve Dallas, Hodge-Podge — I loved every person Breathed moved into the boarding house on the hill.

But I could have read a strip starring Cutter John forever. Cutter John was a wheelchair-bound Trekkie crippled by his stint in Vietnam but emboldened by each breath that wakes him up in the morning. He indulged the random silliness of the anthropomorphic residents of the County, captained his two-wheel ‘Enterprise’ to adventures in galaxies imagined in pure Kirk fashion (and bagged every eligible adult female that got off the bus in town). He was everything that the womanizing arrogant conservative Steve Dallas was not, without being a helpless milquetoast. He was cool.

Cutter John was featured less and less in the strip as Opus’ star rose and the stories, and the backdrop to an extent, took on a more surreal fantastical bent. The milieu of Bloom County moved faster than a manual wheelchair could go. I don’t know if he was a presence in the Outland spinoff; I didn’t read it. Not my cup of tea.

My comic sensibilities were holding the handles of Cutter’s chair trying to steer him into Calvin & Hobbes. I would have melted if he rolled up, looked pass the yellow headed kid and said “Hey Hobbes!” Then Cutter and Hobbes would go off to show Calvin how flying down a hill is done.

Goggles down. Phasers set to ‘Flirt.’

Bella does Comics #10: RICHIE RICH

Ages 8 through 12, I must have collected every Richie Rich comic Harvey printed and there were a ton. Richie Rich. Richie Rich Cash. Richie Rich Cash Money. Richie Rich Millions. Richie Rich Billions. Richie Rich Zillionz. Yes. Zillions with two z’s. I could not read enough adventures of ‘The Poor Little Rich Boy’ and his faithful dog Dollar$, his trusted butler Cadbury and his android super-maid Irona. His money bought him anything and everything including happiness, which runs contrary to some ways of thinking.

Of course there’s always “Money can’t buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you’re being miserable.” – Clare Boothe Luce. But I digress.

The gold bauble burst for me in 1980 when ABC announced they were going to debut a Richie Rich cartoon on Saturday mornings side by side Scooby Doo. If you’ve ever read the best Richie Rich tales, gorgeously illustrated by Warren Kremer, you’ll agree that these diamond-encrusted stories of  mystery, mirth and money read like animated yarns captured cel by cel on the printed page. Now Hanna Barbera being the producers of anything usually equals mitigating levels of quality in the finished product but with such lush source materials, how could they go wrong?

Well for starters, they turned ‘The Poor Little Rich Boy’ into The Poor Little Rich Kid, aging the character about 4 years which precipitated a wardrobe change from his stock baby Lord Fauntleroy look to a half-size Archie reject. Dollar$ is no longer playfully mute and canine in his mannerisms. He’s now a $1.50 Goofy knock-off so as to play the sidekick in these wacky, silly cartoons.

I was mortified. I was heart-broken. Plus I was pissed because I was old enough to know that if the TV show was a hit, then this would be the Richie Rich everybody would gravitate to in future iterations of the character. And I was right.

The live action adaptations – Richie Rich 1994 and Richie Rich’s Christmas Wish 1998 – played in the same arena. Netflix’s sitcom revamp of property, Richie Rich 2015, dials back the lunacy of the movie by making Richie a self-made trillionaire via going green but maybe that just proves, sadly, that the original scope of the character doesn’t work in the 21st century.

I don’t know. I’m still gonna paint dollar signs on the next white dog I see, though.

Bella does Comics #9: The JACKSONS

A lot of people remember the Jackson 5 cartoon show either from its initial run of 23 episodes from 1971-72 or from its numerous revivals on MTV, BET, VH-1 and different outlets over the years. But do they remember, do they respect the musical career of Rock n Roll Hall of Famers The Jacksons?  I say to thee ‘NO THEY DON’T’ and there lies the shame…to a degree.

The discography of The Jackson 5, who would become simply The Jacksons in ’76, is pretty extensive – over 20 studio & performance albums form ’70-’84 – yet much of it gets historically lumped under the banner of ‘Michael Jackson.’ Now while this speaks to how prominent Michael is on 95% of their songs, it does a disservice to the contribution of his brothers.

Jackie Jackson was a talented musician and composer, writing lyrics and melodies for the group’s later output. Tito Jackson, he of the many hats, is an underrated guitarist and songwriter. Before Janet Jackson’s star began to shine and being labeled ‘the greasiest man on television’ by Chris Rock, Jermaine Jackson was THE other successful Jackson who was the other voice on Jackson 5 hits who went on to a respectable solo career. Motown treated the group like The Monkees – Michael singing lead and backing vocals on many tracks, session guitarists replacing Tito’s work on the music beds – but their move to Epic Records in 1976 saw the brothers’ input into their success was felt and appreciated. Arguably the Jacksons’ best albums – Goin’ Places (1977), Destiny (1978), Triumph (1980) – are their most collaborative works, examples of the sibling synergy that excited audiences in Indiana in the late 60s.

I’m the first to admit that Marlon Jackson and, later, Randy Jackson…um…I don’t wanna say they were stealing money; lets just say that Dalvin (Jodeci) studied their playbook. Be real — did you even notice that they weren’t in the cartoon?

I don’t kneel at the altar of the Gloved One as so many have done but I love myself some real good Michael Jackson. I just think more than a fair share of that is with his brothers standing by his side, and not in his shadow.